the girl with a dream

hahaha.
ignore me.
i am so neutral after chinese man.
BUT i am so going to spend for the whole week.
my mum even brought an extra LARGE bag just to fill it with my spoils.
and i shall make it my goal to fill it FULL!
wait, i cant exceed the 15 kg per person limit...
never mind...
a shopaholic has her ways...

i must be dreaming about college too much.
i dreamt that it was the first day of college.
there was a LONG LONG line of new students waiting to get their student ID.
funny thing is,
mine showed,
Lee Connie
Choir

that kinda puzzled me.
everybody else had arts.
but why did i have choir??
and the college was more like a amusement park than a college.
they had a water park.
a theater. a big big one with red heavy curtains and rows of comfy chairs.
it was a maze.
i had to walk around to look for my choir partners.
oh yea, my mum was in the dream too.
and i remembered having to climb up a helix shaped stairs with just railings.
and they just wouldnt end.
i think i woke up when i was about to fall,
and guess what.
it was 530 AM.
my usual wake up time during school days.
my biological clock didnt wear off yet.

i told my mum.
and she told me,
"maybe u should consider taking up singing as your career."
*rolls eyes.*
*blink*
*shakes head*
nah.

its been ages since i've online.

current status:
deleting all my maths formula.
installing biology facts.

message pops out:
process denied.

argh!

another message pops out:
please make sure you have enough space in ur hard drive.

problem is
i dont.
and even the malay and history wont go away!!!!

oh ya yeh yeh.
i should understand what u're feeling now.
and i feel so bad that i didnt do much for you.
very bad.
i'm going to make it up to you.
not gonna promise when i 'll do it cause when i do,
i always break my promises.
so have patience and wait ha.
hyeh hyeh.

call me insane.
i'm so excited now!!
as if christmas is tomorrow.
i'll be going to college next week.
and as if SPM is over.

hahahaha.
hahahahahahaha.
hehe.
okay.
stop.
compose self.

hahahahaha.

finally
the lady who knew what to do came.
FINALLY!!!!
you know what people,
i've got a feeling you guys will be feeling happy on the 14th of Dec.
haha.
maybe its just me.
wheeee~

p.s. i just found out we left out 2 advertisments.
SCARY!!
a class intro is pretty messed up.
tsk tsk.
but well,
we're fixing everything!

i guess i should head to history now.
or bm?
dilemma...

i am neutral.
i think.
not trying to think about anything now.
even if the graduation year book is awful
even if its too horrible to be distributed today.
even if a lot of SPM-ers will be screaming at me.
even if the cover is way out of alignment.
even if the colours look like they need a LOT more yellow in it.
even if there are tones of mistakes cos he actually printed the wrong copy!!!
(can you believe this??!! spending 9 hours in his office to make sure everything is right means nothing)
even if there's a mistake in our 600 ringgit worth advertisement.
even if we're going to reprint and get it real late.
even if we're going to get the book latest ever in peng hwa history.

i think i care.
but i aint radical.
this book is important so is SPM.
like i said,
ignore me.
i'm just doing a self analysis on my problem
with my blog.
and ppl, i'm sry...
i really am.
i'm sorry i wasted your morning in school.
making you hope you could get your books by today.

p.s. hippo, no photos today, totally wasnt in a mood.
p.p.s. chung, just go to your layouts, click add a gadget, then scroll down and look for logo. then shift it wherever you want.
p.p.p.s. like i wrote in fb, still standing strong here with God's strength! :)

i am super jilat with my history now.
very jilat.
just sat my bum in front of the tv
(benice will nod in agreement to this statement)
ate a french roll, a slice of it i mean.
u can assume i ate the whole thing,
shan't care about how you think how un-skinny i am. :)
and i went thru my posts,old posts.

conclusion?
very amusing.
i sounded childish.
haha. with all my career indecisiveness,
oh yes,
and my so called i'm-doctor-love-posts.
hilarious.
i don't even know what love is by now.
and i don't think i'm ready to know yet.
and i've long forgetten my-meeting-my-bf-dream i dreamt.
as if it was flushed down the toilet.
all i remember is,
he wore specs.
a white shirt.
and he has the "si1 wen2 " look.
and if i'm not mistaken,
he has the smoothest face a guy could have. scary!

okay.
enuf said.
back to SUPP, PANAS ah yes, and SNAP. *_*

i just realise that my layout looks kinda emo-ish.
well, nvr mind.
dun have time to change it.
but i still like its earthy tone. :)

toodles.
p.s. i shall tape my laptop up now.
and shuff it somewhere, maybe under my bed.
or maybe i should just destroy the power cords.
haha.
this wackiness of mine clearly indicates
PES= pre-exam stress

" er, can all the form 5 girls take note, the graduation year book will be distributed on the 11th of November, which is a wednesday. Please help to inform your other classmates who are absent today." -ms ng, 12.51p.m. tuesday 2.11.09

okay.
i'll admit it.
i'm a perfectionist.
but not a careful one.

im pulling my hair now!!!
argh!!!
its so frustrating when you have a collection,
and then to your horror!!!
u misplaced one of them??!!!!

gah!
and i can actually spend an hour looking high and low
when i should be studying.

so all u people out there,
don't get me into collecting stuff,
i'd skin you alive.
i.mean.it.

im just the fav type for all those sneaky businessmen
who always come out with those collectibles
cos' i lose them
and i'd buy them to complete the collection.

tsk.tsk.
pengguna yang tidak rasional.

if you're from YE 08' or
from the yearbook commitee,
and you're reading this,
dun laugh... u should be glad i didnt make your life harder, XD

sometimes,

very capable people can be so caught up with themselves.

they do things so well that they tend to forget about God's grace.

they think they can achieve everything they set their heart to

well, which is true.

and they think they can control their own lives their own way.

*

i fall in that category.

*

you might be rolling your eyes in disbelief

that i actually think that i'm quite capable of doing loads of stuff.

you might call me a show-off.

*

i call that-PRIDE.

*

i've been battling with this issue since form 4.

especially when i was actively involved in YE.

i always thought if i work hard enough,

things will work out and i'll get my reward.

simple.

little did i know that i was prideful.

i thought i was a good testimony for Christ.

being so involved with all sorts of stuff yet trying hard to cope with studies.

i think a preacher talked about it...

or uncle sam prayed for me...

only then did i know i was trying to play god.

*

daniel ross came last week.

he has a lot of this very wise theories.

like, " show me your friends, and i'll show you your future."

" unforgiveness is like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die."

wise right??

he gave an illustration of surrendering to God.

with a feather.

you see, God does not force anybody.

He lets us have our own free will.

and when He calls on you, its just a soft, gentle whisper.

if you happen to hold on to your feather ever so tightly,

even if you say you surrender.

its unlikely that it'll fly away.

(feather= burden) my own interpretation.

but if you actually open your palm flat

and let God take control.

He will, together with your worries too.

*

I'm learning that with my year book.

i made a prayer saying that i'll let go of my feather.

little did i know, that it would have cost my yearbook.

God knows where your heart is i guess...

and what a lesson!

and to all my schoolmates who read my blog.

yes, we might not make it before graduation night.

but i leave it to God for his perfect timing.

*

and i wouldnt want a lousy yearbook with full of mistakes and errors

just because i wanted it out fast.

i wouldnt wanna hide somewhere once i finish distributing the book to you guys. :)

ppl should grow...
not stunt or die.
it just shoudnt be that way when you have tons of nutrients in you.
*
well, why is it that i feel that i'm not growing at all?
maybe i havent sacrificed my time at all for the past month?
or i've been comforting myself that its ok?
or i just tend to slack off my bible time later and later now?
wake up, gal!
i've been giving in to the temptations too much.
now its so hard for me to find my will power.
*
i need Connie back. seriously.
God's version of Connie.
God-filled Connie.
passionate Connie.
ever-ready to serve Connie.
and I'm going to get her back tommorow!
*with God's strength of course.
i dun wanna a life like this.
i dun wanna waste it without fulfilling any plan of God's.
its just such a pity to waste a beautifully created creation. :)
*
you too, ppl.
dun waste yours.
its such a pity.

lemme tell u a secret.
when i was in kindy,
i adored babies.
i loved holding them, feeding them, playing with them.
if u ask me...
i think i was trying to play adult.
my mum wouldnt wanna have another baby.
sam was already born, we're just 20 months apart.
*
so i told myself,
since mummy wouldnt wanna give birth to one.
i'll have 12 kids when i grow up.
(okay, gawk all u want. i probably thought having children/ giving birth to children was as easy as doing your business, well thru the anus.)
*
there was once, mummy went for a checkup.
and dad announced at the dinner table
" we're having another baby!!!"
*
guess what i said.
i cried.
cos' i was scared the new baby would get all my mummy's attention.
haha. selfish me.
*
as i got older,
like in primary school.
i thought maybe 2 is just enough.
twins would be great.
that was before i knew that you had to sew the baby's entrance to the world after delivery.
*
after yesterday,
i'm not sure if i want kids anymore.
cheryl, my cousin's daughter, 3 years old, 15 kg.
insisted that i piggyback her.
that would not be an issue since i'm like 3.5 times her weight.
the problem is, she wanted me to exercise so badly.
" piggyback wo3 shang4 qu4 la."
" piggyback me upstairs la." (translation)
*
i did.
and as i was wiping the puddle of water she spilled in my room.
she just sprawled over my back and said," piggyback me downstairs."
i wanted to faint i tell you.
i carried a 15 kg heavy girl up and down and up and down.
i was wobbling, the mum didnt realise i think.
and she was having the fun of her life.
laughing her head off.
*
p.s. so if any of you,
wants me to babysit your child,
please make sure he/she knows that babysitters arent meant for piggybacking.

bm: so so. at least i know mencolek.

history: horrible. really horrible. i got mixed up with all the inti pati perjanjian.
**********my form 4 is officially a goner.

have faith?
i shall praise God in anything, even in my failures. amen!
well to which i think i'm to be blamed for not studying enuf.

have faith. have faith.
moral tml.
i have faith that i will not get an egg for both moral essays!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!bash! boom! pliang! crash! prak!!!
*
i am screaming my lungs out.
throwing my stuff on the floor.
just smashed a mug.
i think i destroyed my wooden ornament.
and tore a piece of rag apart.
*
ggrrr...
moo has mad cow disease now.
beware.
*
NOT.
though u guys might be dying to see me in that mode.
*
im like quiet.
sulking.
not smiling.
not laughing.
didnt even talk to my mum for more than 50 sentences. = very rare.
hmmm. something wrong here.
i didnt even have appetite. =super duper rare.
*
not emo, ppl.
not emo.
not stressed. - later ben is going to go hysterical again.
just not my usual self. :)

toodles.

u evil black box. me no likey u. roar.

do check it out.
like mr yip (ex chinese teacher) says
we have to know more about our country.
ms. tan lay see would have sarcastically said that we were princesses di bawah tempurung.
which i do agree.
i'd rather see in the papers whether has andy lau admitted the fact that he's married
then well, look at the other sections.

well, surprisingly.
the videos are pretty amusing.
i would give a thumbs up since these are from malaysia.

just click on the picture to go to the website.
btw, not all of them are out yet.
"halal" is the nicest by far.
but "lumpur" has a lot of meaning to it.

not going to slap myself.
this is educational.
esp for moral.
what an excuse.

ps. if u attempted doing that, i can tell u, u succeeded.

but don't u worry one bit. i can do the exact same thing.

toodles.

sigh...
i miss my mum.
terribly.

she's been away since monday and will only be back on sunday night.
one week! one week!
its such agony...
imagine, talking to her every moment you want.
well, i talk a lot to her.
a lot. i am the TALKATIVE girl at home.
surprised?
haha. its the opposite.
outside, you talk, i'll listen.
at home, only i do the talking.
i'm sort of like her story machine...
cos' i practically tell her everything that happened.
with loads of gestures and facial expressions.
and she laughs.
its so nice to have a responsive audience.

that's y it such a depressing week.
nobody to listen to my grandma stories.
nobody to hug me when i get really pek chek.
nobody to cook vege (one full plate) for me because well, erm, i have bowel complications.
nobody to watch those korean dramas with me.
nobody to tell me, " wei, relax enuf d lo, can study d."
(which is bad esp with the trials coming up)

on top of that, its so rainy.
doesnt make my day any better.
well, trying hard to make
" mummy, i'll be skinnier by the time you come back. :P"
as a motivation which i got
chuckles = ( she's not buying that) as a reply.
at least its a motivation for me to hope that she won't be back soon.
my fats are really stubborn. :)

and i'm sorry if this is depressing for you to read.
well, an emo post once in a while makes my other posts very cheery :D
what a theory.
toodles.

" CONNIE ar, wake up!! -----------(censored). want oso cum talk with me. Hahaha...If u want 2 gt scholarship, save sum money 4 sam, then STUDY! just xin1 ku3 few weeks nia. Ok?"

-sms from sher

slap slap.
go study.
save money for sam.

when things come to the worse,
even plastic tastes good.
elecricity has been cut off,
and we have to live in the attic,
cold and wet, especially when it rains.

sniff...
something smells nice...
fish....
at last. must have been some kind-hearted man who left it at our doorstep.
i rushed to gobbled it but to my terror,
i was confined to a compartment.
mum!!! i've been kidnapped.

that burly man took me and place me on the grassy fields.
i was terrified.
it was so bright that i could not even see clearly.
thump!thump!thump!
i heard footsteps.
i turned, and " sizzle..." was i all i heard.
i ran, and ran and ran.
but i was just going in circles.
the pain was overwhelming and all i could remember was the sauna was overheated.

in case, this post is confusing.
lemme fill you in.
there's this rat=i who loves to nibble on the wires=plastic on my ceiling.
it triggered off the alarm one night.

so my dad=burly man/kindhearted man decided to put a mouse trap=compartment there.
he placed salted fish=fish in it.
and he got the rat.
it was cute actually.
so daddy took it out to our garden=grassy fields
and went to boil some hot water=sizzling?
and he poured it over IT!!! gasp!!!
it ran and ran and ran in circles.
it was so hot! i could see the steam.
at last, it squeaked.
it broke my heart...
all i could see was that his left hind leg was in vibration mode.
like how the dogs would do it.
i'm guessing that the muscles were relaxing and contracting too much.
and there it was, wet and red.
like how it would turn out to be in a overheated sauna.

in case you guys think my dad is cruel.
i wouldnt want to dissect it either.
which was my dad's other option.
who knows what it ate in the roof.

i feel good when i'm around you,

but its a secret i won't tell you. (from hui mei's blog )


i am so in a "quotes" craze right now.
and my classmates got me into it.
anybody who has any nice quotes to share just scribbles it on the right side of the board.
and yeah, the teachers stare at it either with
" who wrote this?"

" who is supposed to wipe the board??!!"

but its usually dixie, michelle or xin yi who does all the scribbling.
i do the understanding and the exclamations, "owh, i get it! i get it!"

btw, i personally think proverbs is full of wise quotes.
i kinda regret only appreciating it now. :P

when was the last time i had a decent talk with a friend?

when was the last time i stopped and looked at the starry night?

when was the last time i knew what you were going thru?

when was the last time i had a good talk with God? ( which is bad )

when was the last time i stayed anger-free the whole day?

when was the last time i sang wholeheartedly?

when was the last time i stepped into a cinema? (ages...)

when was the last time i lay on grass to look at the clouds...?

sigh....

well, at least i've got somebody to pick on my brains for the time being :)

it helps a lot, kinda see a very interesting friendship ahead.

toodles.

i think i need a man.
but i don't have time for a man.
and there are not enuf men for options.
*
oh man...
pressure and late nights just shot my hormones to the max.
*
this will be fun to see you guys response to this.
btw, i'm still single and will be till...HE comes along.
*
i read an article.
*
" I once had an auntie who was single even though she was in her 30's. Chinese New Year was really a hassle to her, because the relatives would pester her every year to get married. My auntie who was a christian just told them, my Adam is still in deep sleep and hasn't woken up yet. I'll wait till he wakes up and come my way." -unknown author

that were really words of wisdom.
in case, you didn't know about how Eve came about...
God put Adam into deep sleep and he took one of his ribs and formed a woman, Eve!
so, to my Adam,
sleep all you want...just appear when God tells you to!
*
p.s. chaw yeh, i just found out that
your lumps in your head= swollen lymph nodes.
pls eat less maggi mee la!!!!

acturial science?



i heard its very hard.



medicine?



erm...pass.



teaching?



maybe. but maybe something more challenging?



business?



mum doesn't really agree.



marketing?



i like it. but will i survive in M'sia.



fashion?



oooooh, mah favourite!!! = impractical



editorial?



i'm practically sick of it rite now....



mass communications?



do i make a good reporter? yet, quite hard to survive here.



singing?



hobby yes...career...i don't think so.



engineering?



my dad wants me to consider. he studied as one actually.

but i don't even know what an engineer does??

well, my dad certainly didnt end up as one.

what if i don't either?



and yes...i know.

you guys are dying for me to mention this.

mummy?



its a natural. no certs required. you just need lots of love and patience.

+ a few kids + a husband + a house to wear you down.



you know what?



final conclusion.



pray. since HE's the only one who knows what i'll be in the future.

i am so weird.

God has been tremendously good to me for this week.

last sunday, when i dropped sam off at church.

i happened to sms mabel to ask her to help out for deco.

in a rush, carrying stuff off the car and stuff...jasmine thought we should have brought a luggage.

i hopped in the car and my dad drove me off.

then as i reached island hospital to study.

aha! yes. it was super quiet tat day.

i was rummaging thru my bag to see if mabel replied.

to my horror, i couldnt find it anywhere in the car.

you're probably thinking i dropped it in the church carpark.

i thought so too. and i remember hearing a " plak!" when my dad drove me off.

i kept praying and praying.

visions of my half splitted phone and a badly-cracked screen were playing in my head.

my dad drove me back to church right away and i was crooning my head as far as i could.

gulp, no sign of it.

doomed. i have no idea where it is now.

then i saw the guard holding onto something on his left hand.

its black! my handphone pouch!!!

Thank God....

and the guard was saying, " ho chai, wa kua tiok er. abo pit ki wa tok um zai liao lo."

translation: luckily i saw it, or not i really dunno if it cracked.

see? God is so good?

He even takes care of handphones.

The guard could have not seen it...he could have been looking at his eye level and not the floor.

and i'll be handphone-less till SPM.

another thing to praise God is that BK exams are postponed till friday!

woohoo!

what is my responsibility right now?
being a cell leader?
being a worship leader?
being a "ah long"?
being a deco coordinator?

i thought so too.
but auntie stella said something at BK that just struck me.

I AM A STUDENT.

that meant it is my resposibility to study well.
and to make sure i have enough time for it.
that meant i have to set my priorities right.
knowing what's important, what's not.

this is really something that i'm going to think about
during my remaining hols.

some things are best left unspoken.
i wish i didnt have to hear them.

i had my 3rd driving lesson today.
this was different car, and the clutch and i seemed to like each other.

you know what guys,
i love you guys to shredds, to bits, to minces, to powder!!
thank you sooo much for your encouragement and your prayers.
and your tips on the clutch.
and scolding dear ah pek.

i think i made progress today.
i dared to change to gear 3 without ah pek saying,
" eh, change d la!"
now, he's greedy.
he wants me to change to gear 4. i am terrified of that!
gah! and my engine really went "plucatizx" at the junction.
twice! thank God i wrote some of my " before i die" letters.

QTI is next thursday.
and the test? next next thursday.
pls continue to pray for me.
i'm forever glad to recieve sms's from you about anything i should take notice.
i need advice! mum and dad forgot everything about their clutches.
i'll pretty much do the same, i guess.

my legs are sore. but i can't wait for the day to terrorize the roads!!
hope no monkey wants me to take them for a ride tml at penang hill.
i really hope i don't get lost.
i haven't finish my letters yet!!!

~connie

actually it was more than just teared

i bawled.



you'll probably laugh at the reason.

i got scolded by the ah pek who taught me driving.

i am seriously scared of that round pole and the left pedal below my left feet

they are so mean...

they just dun want to co-operate with me!!!

i try to change gear, cant slide it in.

press the clutch again then my steering wheel "woosh" to the other lane.

ah pek:" EH!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!! DRIVE NEVER LOOK AT THE CAR BESIDE AR!!"

me:" oh...."*timidly

clutch is the most uneffective invention, use auto la! make my life so miserable.

i wanted to change from gear 2 to gear 3. i always forget to let go of the minyak pedal

you know what he said.

ah pek:" never improve wan ar you, haiyo. NAH!!! my 2 ringgit gone d lo. you ask yourself la, how much petrol you waste d?? "

me:"ha..." *more timidly

then as i was going real fast, actually its quite slow la. just 40 km/h...but its still scary k!

a car wanted to come out from a junction.

i didnt dare to press my brakes, cos from experience, i would be too slow to press it together with my clutch, and the car will go "plushcatiz" ---dead.

so, thinking i was smart, i turn to the right A LITTLE, trying to avoid the car.

ah pek:" HA!!!!! NEVER SIGNAL THEN JUST GO OUT LIKE TAT AR!!! HAIYO, YOU AR! FAIL LA !!

my tears wanted to drop so badly.

but i wouldnt cry for the ah pek.

he asked me to drive home.

i didnt reply him with the "oh..." " ha...." at all.

got back.phew, my body is still intact.

said thank you uncle. still trying to be polite. even though i wanted to scream at him at the moment.

once i got back home, i cried, " mummy!!!! i dun wan to drive d!!"

i just sat there, and cried and cried and cried.

never in my life has a man talked to me in that whole life. never ever!

my dad just chuckled. said i was too pampered.

my mum laughed when i told her that ah pek complained i was wasting his petrol.

sam, he was grinning from ear to ear when he eavesdropped.

dear ah pek, even though my mummy suggested that i change uncle,

but i still want you. i want to show you that this gal will drive till you have nothing to say.

so please be nice for the moment!!!!!



if you drive and am reading my blog, please be kind not to laugh.

please!!!!!!!!!

you'd never know you made me feel guilty...

i hope you don't.

it'll make me guiltier.

sleep was not much of a luxury for me.
i would rather do some stuff sometimes
or i just sleep straightaway once my head touches the pillow.

after experiencing only 20 hours of sleep for 5 nights.
i need sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, imagine me, studying.
my eyelids start to droop.
so i say to myself , : ''its ok, just close my eyes for a while."
i literally sleep upright and my head starts to sway in circles.
i open my eyes again, slap myself a bit.
and the cycle repeats again till i get myself a big cup of thick nescafe.
i think i'm addicted...
really need to deaddict myself during the hols.

somebody asked me, what motivates you to study?
kia-suism?
i thought it over.
to my horror,im not joking, i was horrified.
all my years i studied for the exam was because i kia-su...
and it wasnt because i was really interested or i wanted to know more....
this is bad...
and i have one more week of exams to go.
really need my kia-suism now!

my holidays are full!

can you believe it?

its a month before my hols and i know its full!

i have the P.A.D coming up, going to be very amusing this year.

ooh yes, driving lessons.

need to do some props for our class drama presentation

going to hike penang hill. walk up, tram down.
( this time, the clouds wont stop on my head, daniel! )

i have to shop! and help to shop
( see man and jamie, you get what i mean )

watch a movie. the last time i stepped into a cinema....was last year.

stayover at auntie angie's place.

and, dreadfully, tuition...

okay....back to books now.

the schedule now cant be much of a motivation for me to study.

more of a distraction.

this post is so much cheerful, isnt it? i hope it is...

warning: emo content below. please at read at own risk.

from now on,

i'll learn to be happy.

i'll learn to be contented.

i'll learn to appreciate love.

i'll learn not to criticise.

i'll learn not to gossip.

i'll learn how to encourage.

i'll learn to be patient when its really really hard.

i'll learn to be a tad more demure.

i'll learn to be understanding.

i'll learn to respect my dad and mum.

i'll learn to shut up when i really should.

i'll learn to stay when friends need you.

i wanna learn because i been thru those times and i know just how it feels.

when ppl around you seem sad,

when ppl grumble,

when ppl just have something to say about everything you do,

when ppl say things that are not true,

when ppl pull you down from your dreams,

when ppl blow up even if you really do need help,

when ppl laugh too loudly, (it scares me, A LOT!) i dun wanna be that.

when ppl just cant see the whole picture,

when ppl just treat you lightly,

when ppl just cant zip their mouth when they really need to,

and when ppl leave you just when you need them.

sometimes, it takes hurts to learn...

p.s this is not emo la k.
u think it is cos' it makes sense to you...

scene 1: u see a gal, vavavoom.

fell in love.

why? her eyes are super gorgeous.

scene 2: you got to know her better.

you realized she got some inner qualities that u really do admire.

status confirmed: can be wife material.

scene 3: after numerous courtships (notice i dun use DATE)

the both of you guys are used with each other's company.

no more make up. no more proper table manners. the *burping* comes along sooner or later.

[hopefully not from the girl.] and those feet gradually appear on top on the table while watching tv.

scene 4: one day.

on a very very last minute movie night.

you are waiting for her at the cinema.

you see this nerdy gal walking towards you with all smiles.

she looks very familiar but those ever-sliding down specs assured you that you are just having an illusion.

you're WRONG! its her.

option A : you are totally disappointed, cause you fell in love with her
gorgeous/fake/magnifying contacts wearing eyes before you fell in love with her.

option B : you don't mind. girls like to be pretty. what's the big deal.
you like her for who she is in the inside.

think ppl. girls, think of her as a guy with fake biceps. i seriously don't know how that's possible. unless that guy wears long sleeves all the time and stuffs his arms with rectangular pillows.

seriously. don't give me the typical answer.

"oh i look on the inside." think!!!!



will you look inside?


or just couldnt bear having the thought that this is not the girl you fell in love with?

#1. Whenever you feel fat, never ever look at models or even fashion catalougues or pretty skinny gals that still look fab even tho they're vaining.

#2. Whenever you think you're skinny enough to eat a tee bit more. THINK AGAIN.

#3. I think i'm talking too much about the fat issue since i just told my gals in CG not to be bothered by it.

#4. I really should be sleeping now. Can you imagine i drooled twice in my sleep?
* this should be censored.* spoils my image. *winks

#5. I wish I was of smaller build. like my mum. knock knock, connie!! practise what u say and write!

#6. miss cy, rihanna is not a hyena. very different species. and i do not have snarling teeth.

#7. I really dun mind losing the Challenge Trophy. I think we gained more out of it this year compared to last year.

#8. hmm, australia or USA? aus more expensive, USA too far. argh! i shall stay here and marry off then. save some money for my dad for his so called retirement holidays.

#9. i have fears that nobody would want to marry me.

#10. i wish it was 2010 now. SPM woosh sudah over!

nitex ppl.
its 0215.
imagine a cow genetically mutated to a panda only at the head.
not a fancy sight. even though the patches and colour do match.

that was a totally daring move.

i decided to snip off my iconic bangs and layer off my another iconic bob.

had no idea what made me do so.

i suppose i wanted a change.

maybe i wanted to make sure people will still accept me even if i changed from the outside.

i guess i'm just afraid of not being accepted.

i think i look like rihanna now *winks

nah! still too fair to be her.

at least i've got comments that i dun look so hot (not sexy, what i mean is juak, ok!) without my distracting hair.

but still, my head feels too light...

never mind...

its not like it'll not grow back.


ps. sher, pls have a teeny bit more patience.

i promised, but not yet :)