the girl with a dream

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand abocve?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life--
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know what you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others might have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until i shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall be always hot,
Your socks and your shirt as a whole:
I require your heart be true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing:
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts--
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that His Maker, God
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say, "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day:
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its side?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true
All things that a man should be:
If you give this all. I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay:
But a woman's heart and woman's life
Are not to be won that way.

A woman's question--Lena Lanthrop

kinda of a good reminder that its ok for me to set my standards high. :)
re-read the purple bold highlighted part.
scarily true.

gonna have my first exam of the year.
its back to the books now.
toodles.

no,
im done with it.
i've dealt with it.
i've forgiven
and i choose to forgive again and forget.

just that i need a little time.
and im giving you all the space and all the privacy u need.
don't you worry a thing, im not mad.
i'm serious.
just tat maybe, things have changed.
since your status changed.
but i understand. :)
i can adapt to changes quite well, for the world's standard's and mine too.

so there.
I'M OK. :)

i kinda wonder how are my buddies, like
cy,
sher,
tzin nie,
wan ching,
tammy :)
coping with life now.
i miss the old days.
when we could do whatever we want. and laugh like nobody's business.

YOU, CY AND SHER!
are the main culprits. XD.

this coming month is going to be a super tough month for me.
every thing is going to be so unstable and so uncertain.
the problem is...
im going to be static. for a change.
its the people around me that are going to change.

i so hate the leaving part.
this is the only part i hate about leaving school.
well, hey, i get to leave my hair, dye whatever colour i like,
paint my nails, wear anything i'd like.
drive anywhere i wanna...so its like a huge chunk of freedom
on my hands.
then there has to be D part, that i hate most.
" goodbyes"

sher lynn might or might not be leaving.
the thought that the 'powerpuff girls' is going to be separated.
is just so...
so....
not happifying.
then there's yvonne, another darling of mine,
going off to bahrain, (hope i spelt tat correctly)
and then off to USA.
then there's maylyn,
off to oregon, USA.
its like all my gal buddies are slowly leaving one by one.

and if u've seen my previous post in fb,
like i wrote,
"nobody is supposed to leave when i'm still here."
but seriously, i have to keep telling myself

" stop being so selfish! its one of the phases of life."

i don't like it because i dunno
if...i can make our friendship stay the same way
...i can accept that we may not remain as good friends after so many years apart
...i can accept the fact i may only be titled as "this was my best friend, LAST TIME."

but all i can do is...
put it all into God's hands.
He takes people in your life away
so that He may introduce ur loved ones
to others to bless them.
as He will introduce new people in my life
and to for me to have the room
in my heart to bless them and be blessed in return,
He has to take away those people who have fulfilled His plan in my life
and send them off on their new journey.

all in all,
i believe in His plans,
thought how uncertain it may seem,
thought how vague it may seem,
But i shall choose to trust with both of my palms
wide open without clinging on to any of my strength.
this is going to be my mindset for the moment.
100 % faith
its not easy
but with God's strength, I can.

the other day, shi hao sent me this email.

'' Winter Choral Festival 2010
Hong Kong Disneyland and Resort"

my eyes just went big!!!
it was always my dream to join a choir and participate in some serious competition
but i never had the time especially when i was still in peng hwa.

u get to go to hong kong disneyland.
u get to go sight-seeing in HK
u get to perform during disney magic music day
well, u get the idea....

so audition is today...
im just going there and play.
i hope i can sing and sway..
and then hear what the pianist has to say.

1. i did consider buying a big nikon/slash dslr and i seriously lurve photography.

2. i did dream of being a psychologist.

3. i regretted stopping my ballet last time.

4.i still remember the time u covered my head with a carton box in the rain.

5.i cant forget that hug u gave me when i cried so badly. and i seriously appreciate it.

6.my mum is a determining factor of my weight. hahaha. ask me...

oh gosh, i cant even type up to 10.
i think i practically tell u guys everything.
so much for being mysterious.

hahaha.
i have no idea what happened to my urge to blog nowadays.

oh yes,
if u were wondering how i've been.
i've been busy.
and if u noticed.
i think i'll never said i was free. hahaha.

college has been fun.
at least it isnt as hectic as secondary school.
but then, there are tons of temptations
that can drag u away from ur table.
(well, i might be at my table with the wrong motives like facebooking)

i have made some interesting friends and discovered some interesting facts as well.
and if u read further,
u might be able to notice that most are not from my gender.
dun ask me why.
my conclusion is, i knew most of the galfriends i know now.

1. my fingers are amusing.
the Yap twins found my sausage-like fingers very amusing.
which is like a wonder for me.
cos everytime i cup my face in despair with my hands,
they laughed as if i just used cow dung as a facial mask.
and then they started comparing palms.
very predictably, mine was the shortest.
theirs could even bend a joint over all my fingers.
(those who could do that were giants, so its genetic)

2. my smile looks like a cry.
i think eric started that theory.
he said that, when i smile, its so hard to differentiate whether i was crying or smiling.
so now, when i smile,
i have to deliberately, use my fingers to push the ends of mouth into a smiley curve
like this >> :)
then the twins laugh again.
cos my fingers amused them. *rolls eyes*

3. my name has multiple versions now.
a) con con
b) ah corn
c) jagung
d) ke ning (WITH THE WRONG INTONATION)

i guess the 'connie the cow" nickname didnt make it to college.

4. it irritates the guys when my height can change by a few inches overnight.
hahahaha.
i have to go thru so much indecisiveness on shoes.
cos if i wear my heels,
they'd complain.
but if i dun, my jeans are far too long.
so sometimes, i just dun care and i shock them silently by just standing beside them.
and they'd eye my feet immediately.hahahhaa.
i just love that look.


5. i have come to a conclusion that
when its the gals that take action, that relationship is likely to blossom.

no extra explanations needed.

6. there are ppl who can eat a 4 person portion and be as skinny as a stick.
i'm serious when i meant stick, he's all brown and stiggy.
he's a tennis state player and super good in further maths.
so hes's like a weird combination.
cos usually ppl are more developed in either areas.
oh yes, envy him! yep, he's Pang.
i cant even see any flab on him!
and i think he has a waist size of a gal.
not to mention he's 180...(rough estimation)
can i just not talk about him?
he just makes me feel obese by now.

7. it amuses PS when i am irritated by him.
so can u imagine how horrible my life is?
not to mention, he just switched to my maths and mechanics class.
i think that's 14 hours a week of being in the same class with him.
i'm praying hard for him to get selected for jpa.
and only see him in court decades later.
hahahaha. i'm predicting that RY will tell him about this.
and he'll be fuming mad.
did i tell u, i like to irritate u too?

enuf said.
i've officially updated my blog.
God knows when my next post is.

during my bus ride back from kuala gula,
(i went to plant mangrove trees)
with a tan and a scarred foot,
i've come to a conclusion that gals aint the only complicated spesies.
sometimes u guys are equally unreadable.
you dont want a gal too dumb
nor a gal too smart
you dont want a gal too ugly
nor a gal too pretty
you would love guys who can have the same interests u have
but would want a ladylike gal
u dont want a gal who nags
nor do u want a gal who doesnt care....
see how complicated u guys are now?

but well,
before i arouse any heated arguements,
lets just say that humans are plain complicated. :)
gals arent easy to understand, i dun understand my own kind sometimes either.

just to clarify a little stuff.
davids, THANK YOU!
is that enough to cool you down already? :)
and andrew aint a monster.
in case u guys have that impression.
he was just pek chek with me.

i so do not need another compliant regarding my posts again. haha.

i've ben making that face all thru that class.
just that class.
only that class.
yea, its economics.
it is so so so hard!
i'd rather do 100 do-able add maths questions then
analyse graphs, curves and names that just boggle my mind.
what indifference?
normal and inferior goods?
PPF? PED? YED? XED?
gah....
never have i felt so helpless before.
seriously.
even bio wasnt that freaky in form 5.
and especially when u have davids, as ur classmate.
he knows this sub a lot.
(if u're reading this, dun be too flattered and show it off in college.)
i just have to ask him to explain A LOT.
and he's like, " cam d you, liddat have difficulty d, how to take exam."
sigh.
and economics is not the only subject.
i make Andrew growl in fury even after he tried numerous times to help me understand those further maths theories.
i make Pang realise that he did most of his homework wrong.
so that kinda makes me the annoying gal who just cant seem to understand the simplest things.
hahaha.

well, till then.
i have pure maths, thinking skills and economics tests to worry about.
back to exams and fattening sessions.
imagine that before CNY.

~toodles

sometimes two rainbows can just make your day.
it did today.

that was certainly a wake up call for me.
who knew?
they/ we arent even adults yet.
they still had a bright future ahead of them.
that's what i assume.
its always the case
we plan plan plan for the next 10,15 years
when you dont even know when your time is up.
funny huh?

really makes me ponder.
am i focusing too much of the worldly things that arent eternal,
till i forget to focus on fulfilling my purpose in life as His follower,
before i reach my expiry date?
am i treating it as a norm to assume i'd live up to 80 and
have dozens of grandchildren,
till i think its unimportant to act now?

its time to get things straight.

its only january
and i hear news of who's leaving and who's leaving.
and it doesnt feel nice.
especially those friends who can make you feel that you can spend eternity together with them.
rational people would say its life.
i'm rational.
but i still dont like it.

i always thought how would it have been,
if i was the one leaving.
would I be missed?
i dunno.
my mum would. that's for sure.
or maybe they'd think its life too.
and time just washes away the memories,
little by little.
i just hope i made a mark in their lives.
a good one.

haven't got anybody dear leaving too far away yet.
Thank God and it wont be hard for them to come back and visit.
but if you know u're dear to me,
and you're leaving soon.
i don't mind an early notification if you don't like a wet shirt and floor.