the girl with a dream

you'd never know you made me feel guilty...

i hope you don't.

it'll make me guiltier.

sleep was not much of a luxury for me.
i would rather do some stuff sometimes
or i just sleep straightaway once my head touches the pillow.

after experiencing only 20 hours of sleep for 5 nights.
i need sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, imagine me, studying.
my eyelids start to droop.
so i say to myself , : ''its ok, just close my eyes for a while."
i literally sleep upright and my head starts to sway in circles.
i open my eyes again, slap myself a bit.
and the cycle repeats again till i get myself a big cup of thick nescafe.
i think i'm addicted...
really need to deaddict myself during the hols.

somebody asked me, what motivates you to study?
kia-suism?
i thought it over.
to my horror,im not joking, i was horrified.
all my years i studied for the exam was because i kia-su...
and it wasnt because i was really interested or i wanted to know more....
this is bad...
and i have one more week of exams to go.
really need my kia-suism now!

my holidays are full!

can you believe it?

its a month before my hols and i know its full!

i have the P.A.D coming up, going to be very amusing this year.

ooh yes, driving lessons.

need to do some props for our class drama presentation

going to hike penang hill. walk up, tram down.
( this time, the clouds wont stop on my head, daniel! )

i have to shop! and help to shop
( see man and jamie, you get what i mean )

watch a movie. the last time i stepped into a cinema....was last year.

stayover at auntie angie's place.

and, dreadfully, tuition...

okay....back to books now.

the schedule now cant be much of a motivation for me to study.

more of a distraction.

this post is so much cheerful, isnt it? i hope it is...

warning: emo content below. please at read at own risk.

from now on,

i'll learn to be happy.

i'll learn to be contented.

i'll learn to appreciate love.

i'll learn not to criticise.

i'll learn not to gossip.

i'll learn how to encourage.

i'll learn to be patient when its really really hard.

i'll learn to be a tad more demure.

i'll learn to be understanding.

i'll learn to respect my dad and mum.

i'll learn to shut up when i really should.

i'll learn to stay when friends need you.

i wanna learn because i been thru those times and i know just how it feels.

when ppl around you seem sad,

when ppl grumble,

when ppl just have something to say about everything you do,

when ppl say things that are not true,

when ppl pull you down from your dreams,

when ppl blow up even if you really do need help,

when ppl laugh too loudly, (it scares me, A LOT!) i dun wanna be that.

when ppl just cant see the whole picture,

when ppl just treat you lightly,

when ppl just cant zip their mouth when they really need to,

and when ppl leave you just when you need them.

sometimes, it takes hurts to learn...

p.s this is not emo la k.
u think it is cos' it makes sense to you...

scene 1: u see a gal, vavavoom.

fell in love.

why? her eyes are super gorgeous.

scene 2: you got to know her better.

you realized she got some inner qualities that u really do admire.

status confirmed: can be wife material.

scene 3: after numerous courtships (notice i dun use DATE)

the both of you guys are used with each other's company.

no more make up. no more proper table manners. the *burping* comes along sooner or later.

[hopefully not from the girl.] and those feet gradually appear on top on the table while watching tv.

scene 4: one day.

on a very very last minute movie night.

you are waiting for her at the cinema.

you see this nerdy gal walking towards you with all smiles.

she looks very familiar but those ever-sliding down specs assured you that you are just having an illusion.

you're WRONG! its her.

option A : you are totally disappointed, cause you fell in love with her
gorgeous/fake/magnifying contacts wearing eyes before you fell in love with her.

option B : you don't mind. girls like to be pretty. what's the big deal.
you like her for who she is in the inside.

think ppl. girls, think of her as a guy with fake biceps. i seriously don't know how that's possible. unless that guy wears long sleeves all the time and stuffs his arms with rectangular pillows.

seriously. don't give me the typical answer.

"oh i look on the inside." think!!!!



will you look inside?


or just couldnt bear having the thought that this is not the girl you fell in love with?

#1. Whenever you feel fat, never ever look at models or even fashion catalougues or pretty skinny gals that still look fab even tho they're vaining.

#2. Whenever you think you're skinny enough to eat a tee bit more. THINK AGAIN.

#3. I think i'm talking too much about the fat issue since i just told my gals in CG not to be bothered by it.

#4. I really should be sleeping now. Can you imagine i drooled twice in my sleep?
* this should be censored.* spoils my image. *winks

#5. I wish I was of smaller build. like my mum. knock knock, connie!! practise what u say and write!

#6. miss cy, rihanna is not a hyena. very different species. and i do not have snarling teeth.

#7. I really dun mind losing the Challenge Trophy. I think we gained more out of it this year compared to last year.

#8. hmm, australia or USA? aus more expensive, USA too far. argh! i shall stay here and marry off then. save some money for my dad for his so called retirement holidays.

#9. i have fears that nobody would want to marry me.

#10. i wish it was 2010 now. SPM woosh sudah over!

nitex ppl.
its 0215.
imagine a cow genetically mutated to a panda only at the head.
not a fancy sight. even though the patches and colour do match.